Chaos Reigns

You WILL Appreciate the Difference

This sign in a local restaurant chain just kills me.  I laugh every time I see it. I even insist on pointing out the finer points of this sign to the lovely people standing behind me in line. Most of them have never noticed it. I guess they were too busy deciding on their order.
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Counter service always enhances my dining experience. Standing in a line to order my food is the hallmark of better service. I can hardly wait for the order to come up so I can carry it to my table. Just the honor of carrying that lovely brown plastic tray increases the quality of the food.  Elbowing other diners out of the way at the soda machine is THE high point of eating out and I just love filling the little paper cups with ketchup.  Especially when another diner elbows me and I get ketchup all over my hand.

The added value of these perks is incalculable. I'd be wiling to pay twice as much for dining in this establishment. I sure would. Yes indeedy.

I do appreciate the difference. I really do.

I'm a Lazy Blogger

I had written a nice post about Eric's last football game and thought I had saved it. When I went back to proof and publish, it had disappeared. AAACCCKKK!!! I saw this at  The MacDonald Clan  so I thought it might do until I can rewrite the football post.  I love my soap opera name - reminds me of silent movie stars.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Schatzie Buick

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Chocolate Samoa

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name),
T-Mar

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Green Dog

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Llyn Ft. Sill

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Mar-Te

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Red Water  (Yep, that's me! Water is what I usually drink at home, unsweet tea when dining out)

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Fred Harry

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
This one is hard because I don't usually wear cologne or perfume and I very seldom eat candy. I so use a Bath and Body Works bubble bath named Gardenia and I do enjoy Godiva Chocolates soooo....

Gardenia Godiva

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Ann Ryan

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
Hernandez Houston

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Autumn Rose

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Strawberry Jeansie

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Taco Dogwood

It was a breakfast taco - egg, sausage, cheese on a flour tortilla with salsa. A San Antonio breakfast staple.

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”),
The Scrapbooking Hurricane Tour

Wearing an Elbow Sock

For several months I've had pain, numbness, and tingling in my left hand. My doctor thought it was carpel tunnel syndrome and had me wear a wrist brace. That didn't help so last June she ordered the Frankenstein test followed by a little torture. The paper work from the hospital invited my family along for the fun so, being the good home school mom that I am, I thought field trip! The guy torturing me running the test loved his work and shared every detail of how nerves work, how neurons fire, electrical conduction, and the how the computer was recording the data with Eric. It was a good science day and I'm glad Eric enjoyed it because I'm ducking out the back door if anyone suggests this stuff again. The nerve conduction test wasn't too bad - if you enjoy sticking your finger in an electrical socket. It was uncomfortable but not too bad. The EMG, however, hurt!

After all that, the test came back completely normal. And I thought that was a good thing because I don't have any nerve damage and carpel tunnel is ruled out. Now my doctor didn't  know what is wrong with my hand but I should continue to wear the very attractive wrist brace and see an orthopedic doctor. She thought maybe I have tendonitis in my elbow. Probably from all that tennis I play.

So I went to see the ortho-doc last week. I do not have carpel tunnel. I do not have tendonitits. I probably have cubital tunnel syndrome.  Since the last doctor suspected carpel tunnel, the median nerve was tested not the ulnar nerve so the test that cost me $805 was totally worthless. In addition, the tests can come back negative several times if the nerve in question isn't being compressed at the moment the patient is zapped. So the ortho-doc might want to run the nerve conduction test several more times. Not high on my list for the reasons listed above as well as the $805 price tag. He also mentioned MRI and I have more visions of lots of $ wings flapping madly as they leave my wallet.

The prescription is to wear this athletic sock on my elbow and keep my arm straight. I'm to avoid bending my elbow while reading, sleeping, or working on the computer. Driving is another activity to avoid. Try computing or driving with your elbow straight. I go back in a month to see how things are going. So far the tingling and numbness is a little better but the arm and hand ache.

Phone Service?

Just a heads up for those of you with family out of your area---

I tried to call my parents this evening and got a busy signal. Now that's not unusual but when it goes on for 5 hours I have cause for concern. Either their phone is off the hook or their line is out of order. I decided that their phone must be out of order since my folks just don't spend that kind of time on the phone and when their phone is out of order that is the usual symptom.

Mom and Dad live in the middle of no where and without a phone they have no communication. To make thing more interesting, Mom and Dad are in their late 70s and Dad is quite ill. And I want to talk to my Mama!!!!

I tried dialing '"0" like in the golden oldies days. That took me to my cell phone carrier. Not a good option since my folk don't have the same service. Next try, my home phone. Guess who I got --- You got it - my home phone carrier. Now my mom and dad do not have the same service either - they don't even live in the same state. The young man on the line wanted to know their service carrier. I don't know that. Do you know the service carrier of all your family? Unless you want to spend at least one hour on the phone tracking it down, you better know.

I did finally get the number I needed after 1 hour on the phone with non-humans and a couple of "humans". However, it required another 45 minutes of research on the internet and going through their "user friendly" computerized phone system.

The very nice
woman (actually a human not a computer) that I finally talked with (after a total of 2 hours on the phone) did give the direct number to the repair service. This number is not one that was on their web-site or referred by anyone else. I am recording this number in stone and I pray that Mom and Dad don't change their phone service and that the phone service isn't bought out by someone else.

Bottom line: Know the name of your loved one's phone service especially the elderly
                  Have the numbers of the service's repair line

Am I WHAT!

Yesterday I was making chili for our Bible study group when I found out I only had half the meat I needed for the recipe. So off to Publix - not my most favorite place in the world since yesterday but better than Walmart. Then again, I never had a conversation like this one at Wally World.

I ran through the store, picked up 3 items, and took them to the checkout. The cashier ring them up, then turned to me and asked, "Are you 60?"

"Am I what?", I calmly responded. One of my items was a bottle of wine so I thought maybe I was going to be carded. Oh, the dreams of the delusional.

"Are you 60 yet?" I couldn't believe that this man (who obviously was much more than 40 and so should have known better than to ask a woman her age) repeated the question.

I still couldn't believe my ears so like an idiot, I asked again, "Am I WHAT?"

This guy didn't get any smarter in the last 2 seconds and once again repeated the fatal question. "Are you sixty yet?"

"Do I look 60?" In the sweetest voice possible when dripping with venom.

"Oh, no ma'am. I just wanted to save you some money." Right - now, what's the name of that plastic surgeon? I can afford the face lift with all the money I've saved using my senior citizen discount that I won't qualify for until 2012.

In the meantime, I've got to find a store with better lighting. It has to be the lighting, right? Please tell me it's the lighting. I'll split my discount with you.

Me and  Dad on  Father's Day  -  I  don't look a  day over 54 yrs,  7 mo, & 2 wks all because of the great lighting!

Digging Out

I've been home for about 5 weeks and I'm still trying to get caught up. This house was a mess before our little sojourn in Florida but imagine a house with 4 cats and one adult male (son Michael age 23 - claims life threatening allergies to cleaning, picking up, washing dishes, doing laundry, and cleaning litter boxes) after 8 weeks on their own. The kitchen and bathrooms were de-gunktified on the first day. They aren't perfect but I don't feel like I'm going to contract a fatal disease by walking past them.  I've got the living room back so we can live in it. Slowly but surely, the house is starting to look like someone besides the crazy cat lady lives here.

It's good to be home and it will be even better to get my home reclaimed from all the mess and clutter. One step at a time.

Oops! Or how not to spend your vacation

The boys and I went down to Mom and Dad's last Friday so we could celebrate Father's Day with the World's Best Dad. It turned out to be a rather strange celebration but a celebration none the less.

Friday evening, Mom and I were preparing dinner. Everything was just about ready. Mom just needed to mash the potatoes and dinner would be served. She decided to use the hand mixer on the top shelf of the cupboard so she got out her handy dandy step stool and climbed up. All of a sudden I hear a thump and Mom says, "I broke my ankle." Sure enough, her right foot was pointing in the same direction as her knees. Her left foot was pointing in the opposite direction.

As I'm reaching for the phone to call 911, Mom says not to call. We should just drive her to the emergency room. Now I'm usually an obedient child but this time I defied my mother and dialed. She's still protesting that she can just hop to the car on one foot.

Mom and Dad live about 15 miles outside of town on a country highway with only the mailbox to mark the spot. I walked up to the road to flag down the ambulance. About the time I get to the highway, it starts to rumble and roar. Lightening is flashing all around me and I'm standing in the middle of the road like an idiot. I finally decide that maybe, just maybe, I should go back and get the car. Getting struck by lightening would not have made the day any better and I didn't want to find out if the ambulance service had a family plan.

The ambulance arrives and the crew doesn't want to drive down to the house. They don't think the thing will go down the drive and if it does, they're afraid that they will drive over the septic tank and get stuck. After a few minutes of very persuasive begging on my part, I convince them that the drive is really quite wide (and it is) and the septic tank is behind the house (and it really is).

The EMTs finally got in the house. The dog is barking. Mom is white as a sheet. Dad isn't looking much better. One son is watching every move the EMTs make while the other is curled up on a couch with a blanket over his head. I don't want to see what's at the end of her leg. I don't do well with blood.

They doped Mom up with morphine and she was feeling fine. It took three large, strong men to lift her onto the gurney. Remember, this is the woman that was going to hop to the car.

Mom was taken into surgery and did very well. She should be coming home in the next couple of days. We are thrilled about that.

However, Mom won't be able to drive for at least 2 months and Dad hasn't been able to drive for over 35 years. I'll be staying with them to act as gofer, chauffeur, nurse, chief bottle washer and trouble maker. My sister will be coming over on the weekends to help out and give me a little break.

Blogging will probably be sporatic but I'll post as often as possible. They don't have cable modem! I'll have to use dial-up. I hate dial-up! 

My Knitting Buddy

I often took a project with me to work on while Eric was at baseball practice. This year I took my knitting and it acted like a magnet on the sweetest little blonde named Kate. Never before has a child shown an interest in what I was working on at the ballpark.

Kate: Whatcha doing?
Me:   I knitting a pair of socks.
Kate: I got a kit for Christmas but my mom can't figure it out.

Before I knew what was happening, I volunteered to teach Kate to knit.

The next week, Kate arrived at the ball field with her knitting kit and beaded purse in one hand and her pink bat bag in the other. A girl has to be well rounded.

I showed her how to cast on and she caught on in an instant. Next I showed her how to knit. My big cosmic question is: Why! OH WHY would anyone put what Becca calls muppet fur in a beginner's knitting kit? Poor Kate. She couldn't see anything in all the muppet fuzz. I ended up doing the muppet fur border. As soon as we got past that, Kate took over.  

A week or so later, Kate has a group of young girls (age 7 - 9) and she's teaching them to knit! They were borrowing my needles and left over yarn and had several communal projects going at once. When one girl got tired of knitting, another would pick it up. They completed a couple of "doll blankets" that Kate commandeered immediately.

The new wore off for the other girls but Kate hung in there until the last game of the season. She's a natural.

Eric to the Rescue

     What is it about a balloon that compels us to rescue it? What if it isn't just one balloon but a huge bunch of balloons?

Eric and I decided we would eat at the Mexican Buffet and finish off his school work. While Eric was slaving away over his math, I noticed a huge - by huge, I mean gigantic, bunch of balloons floating across the parking lot. Not being the most intelligent creature to walk upright, I exclaimed, "Eric, look! Aren't they beautiful?"  That was the end of the math lesson.

Eric tried to convince me that he could capture the balloons. I was doubtful but there was no way he would leave the area without giving it a try. Notice the wall he's standing on - it's about 8 feet high. It's not looking like something I want to do and I'm wondering how much the doctor bills are for a broken neck. But Eric was determined.

Eric shimmied up a tree and  caught the ribbons on a couple of balloons. He pulled, he tugged, he shifted from side to side. He tried everything short of cutting the tree down.

Unfortunately, the balloons were caught in a 3 prong fork. No matter which direction he pulled, they were caught. The only way to release them was to go up. That option would have meant losing the balloons.

Thirty minutes later, Eric admitted defeat. The trees won and we left without the balloons. Sometimes I hate it when I'm right.

I'm the Mom

I found this at Heart of Wisdom and I couldn't resist posting it here. I'm going to have to learn all the words so I can sing it too.